I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish you could order shots online.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
