Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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