They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
