i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
