Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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