Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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