I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize