some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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