I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
