She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
