i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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