just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
