My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
