This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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