In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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