I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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