so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
