There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
