It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
