So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I did not marry a roomba.
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