Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
