I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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