dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
