I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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