if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
