Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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