you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
