My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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