um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
