i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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