Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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