I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
