and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
