Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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