There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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