At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
