She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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