The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
