She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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