Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
