So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
