Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
