I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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