I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
