i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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