so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
