so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
