Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
