Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
