He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
