the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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