dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
