We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I fill condoms, not promises.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
