How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
