Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My dick has a subreddit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
