I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
