You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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