Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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