So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
