ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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