Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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