They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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