Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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